Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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