So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
