..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
