Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
