It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
