It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
