So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
