He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
