These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
