my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
