in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
