I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
