$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Someone came in the potted fern
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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