In the future we'll all be gay
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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