You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
