He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
