Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
