So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
