My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need to calm my uterus...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
