And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
