69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So vagazzling was a success
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
