I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
