Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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