I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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