If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
