the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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