Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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