Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
