i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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