you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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