This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
