All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
