she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
