Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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