so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
