I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
