I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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