I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
