Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
