I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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