I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
