Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
only you would photoshop your dick
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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