I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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