If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
