As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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