who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
