She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
