She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
