I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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