U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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