No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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