we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
two words...techno handjob
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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