Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
