When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
